My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
