I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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