You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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