He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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