Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
