a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
