Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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