I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
