I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
