girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
