Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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