So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
