Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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