I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
