You can't special order awesome
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Blood and glitter go together right?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
