He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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