So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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