Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
