Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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