omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
