Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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