Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
