If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
