Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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