she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
