Buhtt sex?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
