Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
