You really coming over, don't trick.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
