waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I need a beard to bite.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
