The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
