I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
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You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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