i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Drunk is not a location!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
