why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
