hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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