4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
