If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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