Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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