One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
