I'm going to rape someone's good day.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
