I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
