My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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