4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
