conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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