Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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