Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
