I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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