Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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