I looked at my own cervix.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
