Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
