What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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