also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
