from now on my penis is your penis
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Drunk is not a location!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
