I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
