Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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