Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
