What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
