I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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