I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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