The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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