Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
