My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
