I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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