shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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