If that was your dad, he is hot
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
