quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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