It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
