dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i think i have two assholes
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
