Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This baby is an asshole
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
