You made me cry and you don't even care
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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