they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
