found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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