I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
