I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
