How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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