I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
