I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
