my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
