I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
