Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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