we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
