i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
