I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
God I need to hump something, right now.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
