The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
