May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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