its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
