As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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