he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
